In Amsterdam, tourists snap up lots of CLOG-orabilia, including squidgy slippers in the shape and style of traditional wooden clogs. What should we call these? The CLipper or the sLOG?

While we debate this and other profound issues at CLOG HQ, here’s a picture of the foot-warming CLOG slippers in 100% genuine man-made fibre, available from all good souvenir outlets in Amsterdam.

amsterdam-024

Natasha Cloutier has written an article for Amsterdam Weekly to spill the beans on Blog08. I am mentioned, not by name but by clog-wearing. The font is too tiny to read on this page unless you have supernatural powers of vision so click on the link below to read the article.

amsterdam-weekly-article-on-blog081

Well, my sainted clogs. I made it to Blog08 on 24 October and wore my big, wooden, Netherlandish clogs from 8.45am until 4pm. That’s 7 hrs 15 mins. (Yes, I was counting) Not bad going for a clog virgin, if I say so myself. It wasn’t the easiest of stupid things I’ve ever done. Would I do it again? Nup. No way, no how, never.

I digress. This is the pair of clogs I chose from Gerrit Habermehl’s website:

 

Milk, anyone? MOOOOO.

And this is what they looked like on Dutch soil (well, Dutch paving to be precise, but you get the gist). They were HUGE. I felt a bit like a smurf.

Here I am at the conference. I had to ask the receptionists to take a photo of me. From their faces, they obviously thought I was weird. I have to admit, they were not alone.

Strangely enough, the angle makes me look kinda bovine and the clogs look kinda teeny. Trust me, they weren’t teeny. They were huge and conspicuous and made a lot of noise as I got around the conference. As for the stairs, well, all I can say is under NO circumstances should you attempt to go up or down stairs in clogs like these.

Here’s a lexicon of CLOG related definitions:

To CLOG up = to fill or jam, preferably with CLOGs

CLOGaphobia = Andy Bargery’s irrational fear of CLOGs.

CLOGdom = the kingdom of CLOGs

to CLOGger someone = to hit them hard with a CLOG

as opposed to the noun, CLOGger = someone who blogs in CLOGs

CLOGgie = a Dutch person or any proud CLOG wearer

CLOGhood

CLOGhoodity

CLOGolate = chocolate CLOGs

CLOGology = the study of CLOGs

CLOGologist = student of all things CLOG

CLOGorabilia = CLOG memorabilia

CLOGsicle = a popsicle in the shape of a CLOG (I haven’t seen one yet, but I may have to invent one)

CLOGspital = a CLOG repair shop

CLOMPIN’ = Walking in CLOGs

KLOMPEN = Dutch word for CLOGs

KLOMPEN- dans = Dutch CLOG dance

Some CLOG sayings for you…

A CLOG in the works = a problem

It’s raining cats and CLOGS = get out your brolly. It’s pouring.

Little CLOGgies read fairy tales like…

CLOGarella

Little Red Riding CLOGs

The Year of the CLOG is…2008, the year this blog was created.

It would seem there are many ways to CLOG up your life. For those of us who like gardening, here’s a novel way to CLOG up your garden fence:

Last week, Bunk Strutts, my friend from The Awesome Squad group blog,  sent me one of those pictures that’s worth a thousand words. Here it is:

The story goes that there once was a kindly Grandpa Strutts who gave this pocket knife to Young Bunk. The knife is decorated with the New Church in Delft, and attached to it by jewellery chain is a miniature pair of clogs. Young Bunk kept this treasure in a Japanese puzzle box, also a gift from Grandpa Strutts, and now, many a moon later, Bunkessa, Bunk’s eldest daughter, is the keeper of these Strutts heirlooms. As Bunk writes:

“For scale, the knife case is 2 inches long, and the clogs are about 1/4 inch wide. I can’t wear ’em.”

Pleased to hear it, Bunk, but Thumbelina might be missing a pair of shoes from her teeny weeny wardrobe!

Apparently, the chain attaching the clogs to the pocket knife has broken so that only one little clog is properly attached; the other is free to leave at any time but won’t, proving that if you love your clog, set it free. If it sticks with its pair, it was meant to be. If not, you need a new pair of clogs.

Thank you to Bunk and Bunkessa Strutts for sending me this tale, and to the Late, Great Grandpa Strutts for being such a cool Cloggie.